Chloe, the Beautiful, my confidant, my sister, my alter ego, the quiet presence of strength and support in everything I do at Cypress Run Farm, has died.
Early Friday morning she suffered a massive stroke. I found her in deep sleep, curled up in the corner of her stall, graceful as she always was, her head resting on her front legs.
While her body could not react to my frantic pushes trying to rouse her, she still was able to look at me and blink, letting me know that she knew I was there. In the hours I was sitting with her singing to her, talking of our life together, caressing her beloved face, I tried to comprehend that she would leave me soon and needed my Blessings to do so.
The Veterinarian came at Noon time to free her from her broken body. Walking away from the barn to sit under my favorite oak for a while, I felt the great, golden, joyful presence I know as my beloved horse settle in my heart. That is where she shall reside to the day I die.
I firmly believe that animals too are Soul: different from us, but definitely eternal. The coming days will show when Chloe, who has mothered and protected me from many things seen and unseen for such a long time, will join the great herd on the other side. I gave her my consent and love to follow her path on Friday.
Our great love for each other goes way beyond anything that is of this Earth, I think we loved each other on first sight so many years ago. Our relationship changed from me taking care and mothering her, then a super nervous ex race horse turned show jumper with a closet full of skeletons, to her supporting me in more then the conventional ways, forever conversing in her special way (to those who knew her at the Barn this was obvious), but forever caring for me and doing, even if it did not make much sense to a horse.
Frankly, I don’t know what I will do without her help on a daily basis, the future will tell. For now I have to give myself time to settle into a different routine in the physical sense and get used to the great golden glow around my heart that seems to have doubled in size and weight since Friday that I recognize as the Love and presence of my horse.
As an afterthought I believe that Chloe timed even her physical death with my needs in mind: She had not been herself for some time and I believe that she suffered minor strokes before, but always made a point to keep it secret. With Mariah and Novah entering my life I remember her approaching their pen, then looking off into the distance as if deep in thought and going about her business while all the other mares ‘hovered’. This was on December 31st. She started to go off her feed on New Year’s day, but insisted on going through our regular routines of her accompanying me to the lessons and being out with the other horses during the following days.
I spent a lot of time with her in this last week, making sure that in NO WAY ANY new horse could take her place ever. But I think this was never an issue with her. Her issue was to make sure before she passed that someone would be there to pick up the trail where she left it.
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Page updated: 11/4/12